Bullets For Breakfast!
Start the Day with a Bang!
Get Your
Bullets For Breakfast T-Shirt! - Click

"For years friends and family encougaged me to
Eat A Bullet."
- Ambassador Dean De'Ville -

They'd say,
"Dean, you're an idiot.
If I were you... I'd Eat A Bullet".


After hearing this suggestion from hundereds of people I decided to invest all my money in "Bullet Based" foods. I figured there was a Vast Fortune to be made... and I's Greedy!

Well, it didn't work out quite the way I figured. The main problem was the continuous stream of lawsuits!

Is it my fault Ignorant People have delicate metabolisms and weak teeth? Yeah, a few people died from eating Live Ammunition... so what!

It's a "Know Fact" that people drop dead everyday from eating all kinds uh' stuff! This has nothing to do with "Public Safety"!
This is an Assault on the 2nd Ammendment!

You have the God-Given right to eat anything you want!
Today they won't let you Eat Bullets and tomorrow they won't let you own Bullets! It's all a CONSPIRACY!

Will you Surrender Your Bullets to The New World Order?
Take a Stand for Freedom... with Dean De'Ville?

• What is "Spiritual Suicide"?
• Is "Spiritual Suicide" the answer to all life's problems?
• Are you living in just "Two Dimensions"?
• Is "Spiritual Suicide" an option for the Average Idiot?
• Has "The World" distorted the entire "Suicide Message"?
• Will you send Dean De'Ville all or most of your money?
Spiritual Suicide
by Ambassador Dean De'Ville
Disclaimer - Click
WARNING! Be Careful When Killing Yourself!
Killing yourself can be DANGEROUS! If you don't know what you're doing you could wind up looking rather stupid... in an ignorant way.

You need to realize that actually "
ceasing to exist" is IMPOSSIBLE! It's a Scientific Fact, bub. You are some sort of Energy which will exist in some form... forever.

This is where most people
Botch their Suicide and wind up looking Pathetic and Weak. I mean, trying to "Kill Yourself" by "Killing Your Physical Body" is just a waste of time and effort.
Life Sentence
Here's where they getcha'. Your body is a Sophisticated Soul Containment System or... Prison. You are imprisoned within a Physical Body. Don't believe me? Let's see you get out of your body. I want to see you escape your "Fleshy Prison". Well, Big-Mouth, we're waiting...

See, you are NOT your body. Your body is a Prison and you are trapped inside. Killing your prison will not end your misery. You will still be the same entity with the same issues. I don't think that's what you're lookin' fer', pal.

What you want is Freedom. You want to be free to be who you were created to be. You want to do the things you were created to do. The reason you want to "Kill Yourself" is simple. You are unhappy with your life. That's because you are a slave. You have been stripped of purpose and molded into a cheap version of who you really are, friend.

The Bible tells us how to "Commit Suicide" the correct way. When you've had enough hooey for one lifetime and you've pretty much realized the whole "World System" thing is a complete & total scam, take the next step and be "Re-Born" - aka - "Born Again."

Being "Born Again" means the "Old You"... the idiot you can't stand to be... is "replaced" by the "New You".

The "New You" Is The Real You!
The "New You" understands that the "Old You" was a blubbering idiot. That guy/chick ye' once did be... was such a coward! They had that little weasel (the old you) scared to death! I mean that "freak" was blind as a bat! But, the "New You" is a completely different entity!

Celebrate the "New You" by taking a "New Name"!
Did you know some of the Big Names in the Bible changed their names after "Gettin' Right With The Lord"? It's true!

The apostle Paul wasn't called "Paul" until AFTER he "Reckoned With The Lord". Paul's "Worldly Name" was "Saul". Saul was a nasty bastard who killed, harassed and hated Christians.

Then, Saul "saw the Light"... and immediately went blind. Saul was told to go see this other guy and he (Saul/Paul) would regain his eyesight. Well, Saul didn't like being blind so he did what the "Invisible Dude"... that blinded him... told him to do... I guess. Hell, I don't know nuthin'! Read it fer' yer'self - Click Here

Not only did Saul get his peepers fixed but, he got a new name and a new purpose.

See, that's what you're really searching for, dummy. You don't want to die, you want to live... if you can live the life you were created to live.

The people around you and the false ideas you hold are killing you. Why not kill the Fake You and be Re-Born as the Real You? Give it a try. Stop playing games and attempting to live the Fake Life... the "life" that's killing you.

Now, doesn't that make sense? See, all the Doctors and College Degrees and Associated Nonsense was a waste of your time. The people who want to "cure" you through Anti-Depressants and Endless Counseling are imbeciles. They're idiots. Don't listen to them. Don't debate them. Just ignore them.

Role Model 'Fer Da' Childrenz... 'suz... 'zuh
Everyone needs a Role Model but, the definition of "role model" has been so severely bastardized by your ignorant world that Dean De'Ville would prefer to be called a "Heathen Hillbilly" than a "Role Model".

Your society prefers to refer to your "Cult Leaders" as "Celebrities". Your society is obsessed with "Being Nice". You folks don't want to "Offend Anyone" 'cause someone might cry... Boo! Hoo! Well, I hate to be the one to tell ya' but... "Being Nice" by distorting the truth is lying.

Moe Szyslak
This guy is living a lie! Moe Szyslak is an angry coward! Moe hates Moe's life 'cause Moe's life sucks! Click Moe >

Moe, like many unsuccessful "Small Businessmen /
Entrepreneurs" spends all day, everyday trapped in a prison Moe thinks Moe owns!

Moe makes Moe's Money "
Procuring & Providing Pernicious Poisons" to other "Suicidal Sissies" aka "Self-Murderous Moes" aka"Moxie-less Moes".

Moe's "Mis-Guided Managerial
Meliorations" dictate "Moe's Marginalization".
Moe is Un-Moe-Tivated mainly because Moe is minimizing "Moe's Majestic Manifestation" by merging with and mixing for... other "Malingering Moes"... thereby, Moldering Moe via Multiplicious Moe Manifestation.

The problem is,
Moe hates Moe 'cause Moe ain't Moe! And, the thing that drives Moe to repeatedly attempt to kill Moe is... Moe knows Moe ain't Moe! Moe knows Moe is NOT the Moe everybody else thinks is Moe. But, if Moe became the "Real Moe" all the other Moes would think the "New Moe", which isn't Moe, is insane!
Moe-icide
Moe is quite open about his desire to kill Moe. Moe tries to "Commit Suicide" on a regular basis... but, Moe is a depressed failure who can't do anything right 'cause everything Moe tries to do is exactly the opposite of what the "Real Moe"... who isn't Moe... really wants to do.

It's like Moe lives his life in just two dimensions. It's like Moe's a caricature of the Moe... Moe could be.

If Moe would listen to me, Ambassador Dean De'Ville, Moe could become the Moe... Moe's always wanted to be...
which is the Real Moe... who isn't Moe!

What Moe needs to do is what I, Dean De'Ville, tell Moe to do. Moe must become the Moe... Moe believes Moe to be... which isn't Moe.
Moe Bid'nuss
There's nothing wrong with owning your own business. In fact, I, Dean De'Ville encourage you to start your own "Preachin' Bid'nuss". That's right, you can do what I, Dean De'Ville, and other lazy, over-informed individuals have done... give up on the "Moe" your think you are and become the "Moe" you were created to be... which isn't the "Moe" you currently pretend to be.

Kill the "Spiritually Immobilized Moe" you are and become the "Eccentric Individual" God created you to be!
Are You Like Moe?
Do you get "Bummed-Out" on a regular basis?

Do you long for the deceiving embrace of "Sweet Lady Suicide"?

Do you hate your "Two-Dimensional" existence?

Do what "Cartoonish Coward" Morris Lester Szyslak doesn't have the stones to do and "Commit Spiritual Suicide"!

Why don't you stand-up for your "Inner-Freak" and Get Right With The Lord? Why not give it uh' try for uh' month? Don't get all "religious" and buy a bunch of suits... please... and don't get a haircut...
Make A Freakin' Decision, You Worm!
Just admit you're and idiot. God and everybody else already know. You're not fooling anyone...except yourself.

Don't waste your time trying to kill your body. If your body is dead or "non-functioning", how will you send me money?
See, there is someone who cares... about your money.

I'll let God care about you 'cause I'm NOT yer' pappy... at least I don't think I am.

Don't forget, God loves you and Dean De'Ville wants your money.

Adios,
Ambassador Dean De'Ville


Donate Some FREE Money to the
Dean DeVille Church Buyin' Fund!

Non-Tax Deductible!